Get Through A Crisis Alive

A mental or emotional crisis can feel like drowning. Get to the shore before you make any major decisions.

It's no secret that I'm a suicide attempt survivor - I have a TEDx talk about it.

Here's what I wish I had known all those years ago.

When you are in a crisis, you only have one job: do not make things worse for yourself.

When you are in crisis, the adrenaline can make you feel clear-headed and decisive and keen to make decisions you can't take back.

Adrenaline (mixed with whatever else we've got going on) can make us feel like geniuses, no matter what we're thinking.

Adrenaline can't always be trusted.

Think STOP:

Stop 

Stop what you're doing - literally freeze. This is especially important if you may be in danger of hurting yourself or making the situation worse for yourself.

Take a step back Literally, and figuratively. Take a break. Go for a walk. Remove yourself from the situation.

Observe  Observe the observable - note the facts (what someone could observe in 3D) about the situation. Get long-term perspective.

Proceed When you're ready to make your next move, only do something if you know it's in line with your long-term goals and will make the situation better - not worse.

Think HALT:

Are you

Hungry (or thirsty)

Angry

Lonely

or Tired?

If you are any or all of these, addressing them by eating, resting, sleeping, hydrating, or talking to someone might help you solve the problem better than killing yourself.

An added consideration - are you high, drunk, or have you changed your medications? These might be messing you up and lowering your ability to think clearly. It can't hurt to wait until you're sober or your medications have stabilized to make important decisions.

Do TIPP: Temperature

• What it is: Briefly changing your body temperature to trigger a physiological response that helps shift your state to slightly more grounded or calm.

• How to do it: Splash very cold water on your face or hold a cold pack on your eyes and cheeks for 10-30 seconds. Holding your breath while doing this can activate the "dive reflex," which lowers your heart rate. You can also try taking a shower and then spending 30 seconds with your face or shoulders under cold water.

Intense exercise 

• What it is: Engaging in short bursts of intense physical activity to burn off excess energy and reduce emotional intensity.

• How to do it: Do jumping jacks, run in place, do squats, or do push-ups for a short period. Tense your large muscles for 15 seconds and then release the hold.

Paced breathing

• What it is: Slowing down your breathing to regulate your body's stress response.

• How to do it: Breathe in slowly for about four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and then exhale slowly for about four seconds. You can also try exhaling for longer than you inhale. See if you can breathe gently but low into your belly.

Progressive muscle relaxation

• What it is: Tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body to become more aware of and release physical tension.

• How to do it: Tense a specific muscle group, like your hands, as you inhale. As you exhale, consciously relax that muscle group. You can do this with one muscle group at a time or, with practice, with your entire body.

Still don't know what to do?

That's a clear indicator that you shouldn't do anything permanent.

Again, your most important job right now is surviving this crisis, and bonus if you resist doing anything that would make things worse.

You might not be able to make yourself feel better quickly. That's ok - you've survived horrible feelings before.

If a part of you is saying, "this is intolerable", it's a liar. You are way stronger than your mind is giving you credit for.

To distract yourself, try ACCEPTS.

Activities: Engaging in chores, games, reading, watching TV, hobbies.

Contributing: Helping others, telling someone something nice, doing something for someone else.

Comparisons: Comparing your current situation to past struggles - you may still have problems, but you probably know a lot more than you've ever known before.

Emotions (different): Listening to music or watching movies that evoke different feelings. Resist the temptation to consume media that will make the current feelings more intense.

Pushing Away: Physically or mentally leaving the situation temporarily.

Thoughts (other): Counting backward, naming things in categories (animals, countries), reading, or doing puzzles.

Sensations (intense/different): Holding ice, taking a hot shower, taking a mindful drink of cool water or hot tea, or focusing on a strong smell such as peppermint. 

I know, I know. That didn't solve anything.

But that's the thing about distraction - it's brilliant for the short-term. It's not meant to be a long-term solution.

There are only a handful of ways to approach any problem in the universe:

• Solve the problem
  

• Accept that you can't solve the problem and find other ways to be the person you want to be
  

• Change how you feel about the problem by understanding it better, processing it, or re-framing it
  

• Refuse to do any of the above (and things will likely stay the same)
  

• Or, make things worse
  

It's ok if you can't solve the problem right now.

It's ok if it will take some time to find ways around the problem.

It's ok if it can be challenging to change how you feel about the problem.

It's ok if you don't want to do any of the above.

Just don't make it worse. You don't deserve that. No one does.

If some part of you is saying that you deserve things getting worse, it's lying.

Punishing yourself might feel like it solves something. Does it really?

You are in pain. You are enraged, scared, ashamed. Maybe you feel like you've lost your mind. Maybe you feel like nothing makes sense. You are in good company.

You're in pain because you care. You're in grief because something matters to you. You're angry because things are not right or fair, and you care about justice.

All of your pain points to you having a human heart.

I am so sorry for the suffering you are experiencing.

You are good and you are worthwhile.

You are too important to lose.

To talk to someone who wants to listen, try these resources.